It's better to be lucky than good

There is something I say often and I mean it.  "I am lucky".  Dealt cards, play them...Blackjack.  Thrown ball, always caught.  Last pair on the shelf, just my size.  Parent of to two beautifully cool children, check.  You get the picture.  Some say luck is created, or that it is a state of mind.  "Better to be lucky than good," my friend David always says. There is truth in that small proverb.  You can practice, study, create, rehearse, present, and accept, only to have it go all horribly wrong.  Like the beautiful sinewy teen couple pulling up to the woodsy cabin.  Skip the foreplay, and get right to the shadowy large figure in the corner with some form of flesh shredding device, and an ill fitting body fluid stained mask.  Planning, excitement, logistics,and anticipation can all go quickly down the bloody drain.  As the cop throws his cigarette butt to the ground after one last long drag, " They weren't so lucky were they?"  I have been to that woodsy cabin many times, and I plan on returning.  

I believe there is a ridiculous amount of luck involved in parenting.  Forget parenting for a moment,  how we even get to the point of conceiving a child is mind numbing.  How do we know everything works?  We spend the majority of our young adult lives taking every precaution not to have to pee on a stick,  alone in a bathroom, praying that we only see one vertical line in the applicator window.  When you do find someone you want to create a family with, there are so many variables that could go wrong.  Timing, physical make up, genetics, and yes, luck, all help play the role of creator.

I  heard, " they don't give you a handbook on parenting", way to many times to count, when I had my first child.  I would always nod accordingly, or placate  them by saying something like, "that's for sure!"  Well, it's not even close to sure.   That phrase must have been coined around 1475, after Gutenberg figured out how to press metal to paper.   The truth is today, there are thousands of handbooks, blogs, videos, webinars, handouts, pamphlets, websites, films, pod casts, seminars, classes, and cable channels all dedicated to providing us  with information on raising a child.  A library of parenting congress is at our fingertips, and yet we all, at one time or another during our tenure, recognize quietly to ourselves that we have no idea what we are doing.

This is were luck comes in.  I believe that with our intentions, our passion, and our good will,  we furnish the corner office of our own luck.    Someone once told me that luck rubs off.  I hope that they are right, because I make a point to hold my children everyday, even if just for a second, in hopes that mine will.

Helicopter Parents!

As a parents we are inundated with information regarding the safety and well being of our children. What is right?, what is too much?, what is not enough?.  It can become a little overwhelming if you let it, and I have seen the growing trend of over worrisome parents.  The term is not new, but lately I hear it being thrown around like candy at a parade , "Helicopter Parent."

We all know one, have at least seen one, or perhaps are a bit of one.  Overly protective, concerned about every move on the playground, every interaction and every single grade and assignment at school.  I am not here to judge, but merely observe. I believe that being involved with your child and staying involved is paramount to a healthy upbringing. Sometimes we all need to pump the brakes a little.

When i was a child the term used daily in parental conversation was "latchkey."  I was one of those who arrived home after school to an empty home every day.  I believe that my generation of Latchkey parents has evolved into the over protective hovering parent as a mechanism for making up for what we thought we lacked as children.

Just a thought I had while drinking my coffee this morning.  Here are some articles on the subject including a quiz to see if you are a helicopter parent.  Let me know what you think about the subject?

Time Magazine

Babyzone- Quiz

Ny Times

US News

I hear the word milestones thrown around allot when people are talking about parenting.  It usually starts with a discussion about sleeping through the night, and moves through teeth, first word, crawling, walking, potty training, and on and on.  As my children have gotten older I have noticed that milestones turn into moments.  If you don't pay attention, the moment will rip past you before you have even opened your eyes. It's easier when there little.  They can't leave the house without you, actually they cant do anything without you. It is a captive singular audience.  You notice every gesture, every snot bubble, every new laugh and smile.  Today I would have a hard time telling you what my son wore to school. Hectic schedules of sports, after school programs, and plays are the norm now.  Last night I was paying attention and caught a glimpse of a moment. My son making us all laugh at dinner by delivering a punch line with perfect timing, delivery and sweetness.  He seemed proud of himself as we all repeated his gag line several times after, laughing harder each time.  He is finding his sense of humor and it is a beautiful thing.   I am writing this as a reminder to myself. Pay attention to the moments, because they are milestones.

Life in the City with Children

I walked outside yesterday to find my entire house surrounded by police cars.  All traffic was being deverted  onto our street from the neighboring Federal Blvd. Helicopters buzzed overhead as I ran to the corner, passing a group of children playing outside.  My son was in that group.  He said " hi daddy!,  why are you running?"  I gathered all the children and herded them inside our neighbors house without answering my son's question.  If I were to answer it I would have to say something like, " I'm running because I was scared shitless that something happened to you", or " I was running because the police are searching for a shooter."  Both answers seemed inappropriate at the time, so in classic parent fashion, I said nothing.  I remember a few times when my mother would answer my questions with silence.  It was never good.  Now here I was doing the same thing.  Life in the city with children can make you a silent parent sometimes.